Aló, office of the Lima Group? Sergio Rodríguez Gelfenstein.
Aló, office of the Lima group?
Yes. Good afternoon. You want?
Please, I would like to speak with the president of Peru.
Can't answer He is very busy trying not to put him on the list of corrupt presidents who put prisoners. Imagine that one of them even killed himself.
Ah, excuse me. Do not worry. Can I speak with the president of Argentina?
Can't answer He is packing his bags because he leaves.
Are you going on a trip?
Yes, he will leave the Casa Rosada, because he was beaten in the elections that have meant great dark circles, many wrinkles and an exacerbation of his usual state of disturbance.
Well, then contact me with the president of Chile.
Can't answer At this time he is on his grandson's birthday and then goes home to hide protected by the armed forces and carabineros very scared by the large demonstrations of students who seem to have tired of so much abuse, lies and corruption.
I understand, but could I speak with the president of Honduras?
Can't answer A US prosecutor accused him of being a drug dealer, imprisoned his brother for the same thing and is negotiating to see if it is possible to save himself from it.
What a problem, so big, but, if the president of Brazil should be around.
He is still there but can't answer the phone. He is afraid that he will be insulted as racist, misogynist, destroyer of the environment, homophobic, ignorant, mindless, for apologizing to the dictatorship and for so many other things, that sometimes he even "gets sick" to not show his face.
Could it be that I can talk to the president of Guyana?
Can't answer Unfortunately he is very sick and the country is semi paralyzed. It is not known when I can return to normal.
Ah. I didn't know, I hope he gets well soon to see if I can talk to him. And the president of Costa Rica? Maybe he can give me a few minutes.
Can't answer He has an unstoppable diarrhea since Venezuela won the elections for a position in the UN Human Rights Council. Trump called him and told him that he was useless and that despite the fact that the United States put pressure on many countries in the world and distributed money everywhere, he was unable to beat a blocked and cornered country.
Yes, it is pathetic. Then contact me with the prime minister of Canada.
Can't answer He is in an election campaign, very terrified because there is a possibility that citizens do not confirm him in office. His subordination to the United States even though Trump has humiliated him several times is not well regarded by some people and he is very afraid of losing the election
Ah. It is true. Sorry. I had forgotten. Then, please, contact me with the president of Panama.
Can't answer You have doubts about what you are going to say. He does not know if he is from the left or from the right and faced with the need to assume a position before the United States, he preferred to kneel rather than defend the dignity of his country, that has him dismayed and somehow, lawyer.
What a pity. He looks like Martín Torrijos who tried to be extreme center like Michelle Bachelet.
I don't know, miss, that's your opinion, not mine. My function is just to answer the phone.
Yes, in any case it seems that he has little work lately. Please tell the president of Guatemala that I only need a few minutes
The outgoing or the incoming?
At this point I do not care.
The outgoing already leaves and is very busy trying to cover up all his acts of corruption, which has him very busy and I don't think he can speak.
And the entree?
He is Italian, he travels with a passport from that country. He seems to be ashamed of being Guatemalan. It is also quite limited. I don't think I want to talk to you.
How difficult this task has been done. I am getting worried, but the president Colombia will surely want to talk to me.
Can't answer He spends all day talking to Senator Uribe who is the one who gives the orders. And the rest of the time, he uses it to falsify photos to present in international organizations and making a great effort so that it is not known that he is protecting and protecting the paramilitaries who assassinate social and human rights leaders in the country. Of course, you can do it because it is supported by the United States and the big information transnationals. All this makes me extremely busy.
Then the president of Paraguay can offer me some ideas.
It's hard miss, that man doesn't have
Do not have time?
No, he has no ideas. It is so gross that he wanted to give away the Itaipu hydroelectric power plant, the biggest patrimony of Paraguay to Brazil in secret, but everything was discovered and is in the tight rope. For now it was saved thanks to a call that Trump made to the president of Congress to paralyze the impeachment process, but the vice president and the chancellor had to leave.
So there is no one?
The truth is all very busy and worried, but maybe you can talk to the boss.
And who is the boss?
Well, now that John Bolton was thrown out, President Trump is exercising it directly.
Ah. Very well, please ask if you can assist me.
Miss, I consulted, but in your office they told me that between Putin and Xi Jinping they have him crazy, he is also deciding who he presses and who sanctions today. They told me that he is in a very bad mood because he has not been able to resolve the issue of Cuba, or that of Venezuela, nor that of Iran or North Korea. And now even his friends from Europe, Saudi Arabia and Turkey betrayed him and he will have to punish them too.
How terrible. And then is there no one in the Lima group that attends to me?
The truth is not miss. Here, between you and me, this is running out and I think they have left me to close the door, put the lock and hang a sign - which is already done - on the door
And what does the poster say?
"Definitely closed due to manifest incapacity of its members"
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