Uncle Sharp's Hash Cookies Chapter I
Something really weird has happened.
So like, there was this really smart guy who made this new thing called hash cookies. Hash cookies were unlike any other food available at the time. Not only did they taste great but they had medicinal properties that had the potential to help people all around the world. At first people were like.. "why would anyone want hash cookies, there are already cakes and pancakes? A hash cookie is like a smaller cold hard pancake." Despite the initial skepticism, hash cookies started to get popular, really popular. Uncle Sharp couldn't do it all by himself so he started to ask other people help him refine the process on how to make his hash cookies and they got even more popular.
I know what you are thinking. Uncle Sharp didn't invent baking. He didn't invent mixing flour and butter and stuff. But what he did do is find a new way to make a new thing using things that have been known for a long time. Innovation!
Of course after a couple years of hash cookies being popular people started to make public statements about how they were the first ones to mix flour and sugar using a bowl tipped at a 33 degree angle with a whisk made in France out of a single strand of stainless steel and all these other silly things. But of course no one ever put ALL the pieces together in the same way.
Lots of people came to help Uncle Sharp. One guy stood out though. I think his name was Gabe or Gary or something. Gabe or whatever was really smart and kind and diplomatic. Uncle Sharp liked him right away.
At first Uncle Sharp used his big truck to deliver cookies all around but like.. someone put sugar in the gas tank or like bees made a home in the trailer or something so they had to stop using it. Gabe or Gustav or whatever was so kind that he volunteered his own car to deliver the cookies. There were not so many orders at that time so they easily fit on the passenger seat. He did however worry about the future if hash cookies got popular. He asked Uncle Sharp about it.
"Should we start looking for a truck now?"
"Ha ha!" Laughed Uncle Sharp, "No. By the time your car starts to fill up we can easily use a bigger car" and that was that.
Gabe or whatever worked really hard on making the hash cookies popular. He did interviews and gave out free samples on the side of the road and also really helped make the factory more efficient. Of course someday they would probably need a bigger factory and stop delivering case by case in his car and stuff. But at the time they just worked on getting everyone to try these great new hash cookies by giving free samples and going to supermarkets to get those shops to start accepting hash cookies.
Gabe or whatever was really worried that he would burn out like Uncle Sharp did so he assembled a team of people to share responsibility with. Sadly though, at that time there really were not a lot of people with the experience needed to make hash cookies so even the best bakers were sort of limited in how their skill set applied. Some of them knew how the oven worked really well but knowing how an oven works doesn't make you an expert on shipping. Likewise being really good with shipping logistics doesn't make you an expert in marketing and so on. Most of these people were volunteers though so it's hard to pin the blame on what happened next because really at the time it was all so new.
Then one day Uncle Sharp just left. He left us all behind. He said that he had to go but never explained why really. There is a rumor that he got sick and died but he didn't want us to worry about him or his cookie factory. There is another rumor that one of the big cake companies had him killed. No one knows though.
Some of us were sad but we knew that what really mattered was his delicious hash cookies would still be made because he gave the keys to his factory to his good friend Gabe or something.
Any way, things were going great and hash cookies got more and more popular. So popular that the factory actually couldn't keep up with the orders. Gabe or whatever and his team had to make some decisions on how to improve things because other people were starting to make inferior copies of hash cookies and if they didn't sort out the logistical problems the whole operation could fall apart.
Gabe or whatever was like. "Dudes. This is so easy. All we have to do is stop delivering to the supermarket by car. We can put more cookies in a pickup truck. If things get really popular we can even move on to trailer trucks and trains."
But the other helpers were like.
"No way. We should make a system of drones that link up to a satellite in space that deliver to each customer directly one at a time and then at the same time those customers should also let us use their kitchen so that we can make more cookies and then trade those cookies from customer to customer using the space drones. We can also charge a fee for the rental of not only the space drones but the parts and instructions on how to build them and at the same time we should change the recipe so that it easier to make in each customers kitchen. This also means you need to store your house keys with us so that the drones can use your kitchen. If that worries you, you can pay a security company to keep an eye on your front door 24/7."
Of course Gabe or whatever was like...
"um.. how about trucks?"
"NO! SPACE DRONES IS THE WAY!"
Gabe or whatever was like:
"Ok.. Let's work on the space drone thing. But it will take some time to plan. So how about in the meantime instead of jumping straight into semi trucks we start using pickup trucks?
"NO! SPACE DRONES IS THE WAY!"
"Ok.. how about we work on space drones.. but we like.. use a van for now too?"
There was a somewhat uneasy agreement but it seemed like none of the space drone team was really serious about it. Customers started to wonder what was happening. Hash Cookies started to change price sort of randomly and the delivery used to be with free next day shipping but then suddenly even paying for express shipping didn't mean you would get your cookies next day.
One of Gabe or whatever's only allies had had enough. This guy Mark or something was like:
"FUCK YOU! FUCK THIS SHIT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
and I heard he like burned down his own house or something. I don't know what it was like at their meetings but it must have been pretty bad to make so many people go crazy. I thought the "hash" in the "hash cookies" was like hash brown potatoes.. but I starting to think it was some of that wacky stuff. Maybe that is why I heard that the food safety people came to talk to Gabe or whatever.
Most of the space drone people are not so famous or vocal. So I do not know so much about them. One guy who super loves the space drone idea is named Ewen...no Larry.. Larry Connick Jr or something. So Larry is this guy that like super loves boats I think because he was always talking about knots. So the only thing I can figure is that he was either a sailor or boy scout or both. At any rate he loved knots but also thinks the drone delivery thing will work globally because the Earth is flat which means especially at the corners you can easily scoot over the edge at least that is what I think he thinks.
So of course now its like Larry's team vs Gabe or whatever’s team but Gabe or whatever is already down 1 man because Mark died in a house fire or something.
You think this is a weird story. But just wait, it gets weirder. So one day while Gabe or whatever was out selling cookies as he often did he comes back to the factory to find that the doors are locked and the keys have changed. What is Gabe or whatever supposed to do? Uncle Sharp didn't leave a will and we are not even sure he is dead. (There is some evidence that he is dead but that’s a whole different story.) So now Uncle Sharp is gone. His recipe is the only thing left behind and the factory is locked.
It would be not so bad if it was just that but then suddenly Larry and his team are trying to make a rocket and neglecting the cookies. Customers are getting angry. The shops are getting angry. Larry's team tried to reassure everyone by saying they are doing remodeling of the factory so parts will be shut down for a while. Not to fret though in 18 months everything will be even better. Worse still was that in order to save money to work on remodeling they started to cut the ingredients and dilute them with things like chalk. Not at all what most people were used to. At first it wasn't bad but it got worse and worse to the point that the cookies barely tasted like the original any more. There were a few of the opposition left both in the factory and customers. But Larry etc wasn’t having it. They said over and over:
“NO TRUX NO TRUX GO MAKE YOUR OWN COOKIES IF YOU WAT TRUX!”
They even had hats made up that said NO TRUX on them.
Who would have thought that trucks were so important to cookie making?
Of course Gabe or whatever was like "I love making cookies and I want to keep making cookies but I can't in the factory anymore. I still have the recipe but what should I do?"
Uncle Sharp was really smart about a couple things. But most importantly was he made the recipe public so if they want anyone can mix up a batch all on their own. That way people who love their hash cookies can go off and make their own if they so choose and if enough people team together that will be the standard.
Some of Gabe or whatever's team ( I guess I will call them TRUX team) was like:
“This is bullshit. Satellite drone delivery is dumb. The cookies are for the people. Uncle Sharp wanted to change the world for everyone. We don't even need their factory. We have the recipe. We can make the original recipe cookies by ourselves and deliver then however we want and still use the purest and best ingredients available.” So that is exactly what they did. They did not start with bigger cars or vans. They went all the way to Trux right away as they wanted.
To be continued in Chapter II
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